just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
