she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
