i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
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Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
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U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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