I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
