You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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