Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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