Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
