Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
