mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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