if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
