I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
