I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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