I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
