My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
