I'm going to jail i love you
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
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I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
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Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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