was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
