you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Randomize
