WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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