I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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