you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
