Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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