You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
