...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
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