She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
