i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
