I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
