how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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