Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
