So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
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This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
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Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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