we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
