She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
