Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
you made out with another girl for some wings
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
