ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
should my penis look like a turkey
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
