Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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