I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
