i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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