Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Swine flu is the new snow day.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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