he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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