Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
