Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
