(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
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Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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