There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
