I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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