friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
