Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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