If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
