I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
