He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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