man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
