Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
