she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
