So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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