So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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