K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
A bitchslap is in order.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
