we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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