I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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