i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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