I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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