Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
So many bounce houses so little time
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
