tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
