Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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