the condom got lost in my hair
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize