I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
