found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
