Screwed.edu
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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