It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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