I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize